22 Tweets About Everyone Getting Married Thatll Make You Laugh At How Alone You Are
Growing up is a total buzzkill.
One minute, its like, Oh my God, Im 21years old! Where my raspberry vodka at?! and the next minute, its like, Hi! Welcome to the real world.Here are tax returns, a slower metabolism and the incessant reminder youre growing closer to death, soget a partner now or die alone.
Look, were all just doing our best. We cant help it that, as millennials, weve have been called lazy, self-absorbed, easily distracted, entitled and detached from everyone else, doomed to be forever alone.
Fortunately for us, we have smart phones with which we can share our misery across the planet and connect with one another on meaningful levels.
And by meaningful levels, I mean the shared wonder at how people our age can possibly be getting married and having babies when were still filing through dick picks and lying to our parents about totally having a boyfriend who isnt fake or anything.
Here are 22hilarious tweets that summarizeall our emotions about everyone settling down.
Most of us are still children ourselves.
These folks make some pretty strong points as to why we arent responsible enough for families of our own yet:
Half of us still cant even feed ourselves, much less another person and a child.
Because, like, food is hard, and honestly, I dont have TIME to navigate meals for two or dear God, THREE people right now.
But we CAN order Dominos, naturally.
Plus, one Dominos pizza is basically a perfect feast to eat by yourself while youre alone because youre not married or having kids.
Someof us have our eye on a different kind ofrelationship that only booze can provide.
IM NOT ALONE. I HAVE BOOZE. PLUS, BEING AN ADULT MEANS ADULT BEVERAGES, MMK?! WHERES MY PURSE? KAREN, GET MY PURSE.
Othersfeel like they are most compatible with their cats anyway.
Because fromwhat Instagram tells me, having a cat is the best thing in the whole world much better than marriage or babies.
Plus, youre never alone if you have a dog.
From personal experience, I can tell you that having a dog is ACTUALLY the best thing in the whole world, and we are very happy together, thank you very much.
Why would I need a human partner when I have a fuzzy little one that never tells me Im wrong and thinks the sun shines out of my butt?
What can we say? We arent forever alone, we just arent in a rush to jump into anything too serious!
Like anyone would ever choose to take on more responsibilities, stress, financial burdens and health issues just for a RELATIONSHIP
I think I can speak on behalf of all us when I say
this girl can speak on behalf of all of us. If were gonna die alone, were gonna be HAPPY ABOUT IT.
If you need me, Ill besitting on bed alone, shoving dry cheerios in my face, scrolling through twitter, nodding enthusiastically, hoping someone comes to my funeral when I die and hoping I dont die today.
Oh God Im so lonely